P1180992, originally uploaded by rgmu11.

Al watching Pink Pantha in bed. I feel this drawing is a bit like Schiele’s style, one of my favorite artists.

I’m planning to take some figure painting course when I go to UK. Although I got the offer of University of Arts London, considered the big gap between their international students’ fee and home fee, which is £9,300 per year and £1,390 per year, I decided not to be account on taking a course in that university, at least not in the next three years. Because the reply I got from the university to my question “If I get a spouse visa, in what condition could I just pay the home status fee?” is- You have to stay in UK for at least three years to be accepted as a home student.

The answer was quite disppointing, thinking of the HUGE gap between the oversea’s and home’s fees. The tuition is going up year by year, while I am not sure whether the teaching quality would climb along with it. Think about it, what if I get pregnant and have a baby in one or two years, I will still be treated as an “international student” if I wanna go to college? I did feel quite excited when I got the offer.I did look forward to going there to study, very very much. And I did work much. But what a pity, facing my financial situation I don’t think I could accept loaning money for just one year foundation course for which British students will just pay nearly 1/7, and I even don’t want to wait for another three years to go to a foundation course. All what I feel is I wont make it unless they suddenly changed the policy to accept me as a home student then.

I just hope Al could get a good job where he feels fulfilled and joyful in career development. He thinks I should consider more about other ways to persue art, like short courses. I guess that’s a good idea. I would like to join several short courses to train myself more in traditional art technique which is helpful for me to get deeper in art.

He was sitting there on that sofa silently as usual.He is too old and ill, hard to say a word to others. There was a flash of sparkle in his eyes when he saw me appearing in front of him.
He opened his mouth slightly, trying to tell me something.
I know he is trying to remember the rhythm of the song.
I brought along his old cello of which the neck was already broken.
I sat down besides him and put the cello to his arms.

“Urgh…it..broke…”
“I’m sorry about that..”, I felt the bitterness in my heart.

He touched the cello quiveringly , fiddling on the string and bowing with his powerless hands. Some scattered tones jumped to my memory. His body couldn’t afford more. I remmebered the rhythm completely now. I realised the relationship between him and me. But I know the end of his life will come right soon. After the last tone on his cello, he was gone, in my arms.

My tears fleed out.

My artwork hanging on the wall,
my favorite music playing in the room.

There’s two dogs, one cat in the room.
And my dear Al.

The sunshine of 3pm o’clock will reach inside
through the green leaves in the garden.
I will enjoy the tea or coffee with Al in such warmth.

When you face to a dilemma of “go” or “not to go”,you get stuck in those questions and was tempted by the offers in front of you.OR,no one seems like you as a member of them,no companies accept you.You would easily get lost too.You will tend to give in before the current reality.”Maybe I should just pick a random job coz I’m afraid I’d be dumpted by the ‘God of jobs’ “

Don’t complain about the society or untold rules.The fact is fact.What has happened is the truth.You have to live with it.Nothing is more powerful than the truth to give you the “fairness”.And the society itself is objective.You are driving the ship.You decide the direction.As long as the result,it’s up to the rules-both natuaral and social.And the spirit to keep your ship safe in whatever storm lies on your heart and mind.Your mind is the source of peace.

And I am trying to keep mind peaceful in the stream.